Transformational Truths

DO THESE FOUR THINGS TO LOVE WELL

Have you ever thought about love being an action? Usually we think of love as a feeling, emotion, and affection. 1 Corinthians 13 is known as the “love chapter” in the Bible. An excerpt from the passage says “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Jesus said “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.Matthew 22:37-39 

It is important that we get the act of love right. There is an easy to remember, four-step action we can use to put love in action in our life toward God and toward others. The four steps are L-O-V-E to Listen, to Observe, to Value, and to Enjoy. If we act out these four things in our thoughts, attitudes, and actions with God and others, we will fulfill the greatest and the second greatest commandments.

Listening is almost a lost art. Our lives are so distracted and multi-tasked, we barely have time to hear ourselves think. We have far less time and attention to listen to what others are saying.

Listening begins with time, continues with attention, and concludes with processing what is being said.

Have you ever looked someone straight in the face when they’re talking and not heard a word they were saying? Have you gestured to their inflection, but were unaware of the actual point the communicator had just voiced?

To love someone well, take the time to listen with attention to detail of what is being said and thoughtfully process the words being communicated.

Loving well through observation can be acted out by looking for body language and preferences. Observe not just the words that are being said, but the attitude with which they are being communicated. Notice how the arms are folded, head is turned, eye contact is avoided, or how the stair is piercing. This will allow you to interpret how the person communicating really feels about the words being said. Additionally, remember what other’s prefer. Observe what makes others happy, remember details about what they like or don’t like, and attempt to see things from their perspective.

Study the person you are attempting to love. Examine the words they are saying, the means they are using to communicate, and the importance of the words to the individual speaking. If it is important to them, it should be important to you . . . if you want to love the other person well.

Rate others more important than yourself. Value the other person, whether it be God or others as more important than yourself. It has been said like this, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

Valuing others begins with placing a higher price on them than you place on yourself. It is taking the lower rung, the lower position in priority. It is being humble which has been defined as not to think less of yourself, but to think of yourself less.

The cost of valuing someone else above yourself is the price that must be paid to love well.

The final part in loving well is enjoyment. The enjoyment of others must be acted out to truly love others. Be thrilled when you spend time with others. We are living in a world of isolation. There are a lot of people who would rather be by themselves and have their own space than to take the time to invite others in and find pleasure in getting to know them.

How many of us, when alone, would answer “I’m good” when invited to spend time one-on-one with someone either by phone or in person? Love is actively displayed when we take pleasure in sharing life’s ups and downs with others.

Psalm 16:11 says of God ‘Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy.” Enjoying God and others begins with sharing the path of life.

In conclusion, LOVE is absolutely an action. It can be summarized as follows: Listen attentively giving time and thought to the communication of God and others as they speak to you. Observe the thoughts and actions of God and others respecting them and their preferences. Value God and others as more important than yourself, catering to their wishes and time schedules. Enjoy the presence of God and others as you walk the path of life together.

LISTEN ~ OBSERVE ~ VALUE ~ ENJOY

Written By: Anne Gurley

Transformational Truths

HOW TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND CHERISH YOU

Is it really possible to make your husband cherish you? Are you in a relationship right now where you feel unappreciated and thrown away? It is possible to turn his head toward you. I submit that it is possible. It is doable . . .and the turn around can begin right now.

Your husband is not perfect. He is broken, fallen, and messed up. He is not cherishing you in a way you’d prefer because he’s got insufficiencies. You may question what you ever saw in that man to cause you to say “I DO” at the ceremony that joined you as husband and wife.

You may have tried everything before and nothing worked. You may be wondering if the door is your next breakthrough. You just can’t do it any longer. If you’re breathing, there is hope. Let the Cherishing Begin!

Cherishing doesn’t begin with your husband, it begins with you.

There are three styles you can put on that will make your husband honor you. Three specific things you can display that will make him admire you, want you, and value you.

Your husband will begin seeing you as the capable, intelligent woman you are by putting on these three trends.

Style One: Trustworthiness

You may say, I can’t trust him; why should I be transparent before him? You may say, I have been as truthful as I know to be to him and he still treats me like trash.

Trustworthiness means deserving of trust. Let me ask you, in the past month has there been any way you have deceived your husband. Like that piece of your favorite dessert you hid in the crock pot so he wouldn’t find it and ate it when he wasn’t near by. Maybe it was the extra something you bought for yourself or the house or the kids and you glossed over the expense in the monthly report rather than being up-front about it. You may have told your husband you’d be on time for the event and waited until the last minute to get ready, only to be 3 minutes late. “It was only 3 minutes. It wasn’t like it was that late and people got there after us” you told yourself as you walked in late with no heart-felt apology to your husband because you hadn’t done what you’d agreed to do.

A wise woman told me one time, “say what you mean and mean what you say.” That is a learned skill. That displays trustworthiness. When you are styling some trustworthiness you will display character, attitude, behavior, and words that will make your husband be confident in you. Then he will cherish you.

Style Two: Premium

Premium is a prize, bonus or reward. Enable him to hold you dear with the “perks” you give him for being in a relationship with you. You may say, I have nothing to give. I’m spent. I’m beyond broke in this relationship. Let me say, begin with what he gives to you. If he gives you respect, give that same respect back to him plus add just a bit more. Everything positive he gives you, give it back to him plus a smidgen more. As you do this, you will find he gives more and you give more over time.

There will be times in any relationship, the exchange has some negative attire. If that is the case, give him as much positive as you have. There will be times you have nothing to give. Give yourself permission to remain quiet in those times and as still as possible. However, as much as possible, make up for his negatives with your prize, bonus, and reward. Show him you are premium. The more you practice this style, the better it will wear and the greater the premium you’ll add to your husband. This will open his eyes to see the benefit you provide to him. Then he will adore you.

Style Three: Goody Two Shoes

Your style would not be complete without the perfect shoes. Your feet take you where you go. Be a “good” doer everywhere you go, especially around your husband. Jesus had a listener one day call him “Good Teacher” Jesus questioned the man why he had called him “good” because only “God is good”. (Luke 18:18-19) Jesus made “good” equivalent with God. So as we act good, we act godly.

Galatians 5:22-23 lists some good you could do wherever you go. These are things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Walking like this wherever you go will never get you in trouble with the law, or your husband. But, your feet will really hurt if you try to display these shoes all on your own. Unless you have the Spirit of God working these “goody two shoes” for you, there’s little progress. John 15 explains that as you remain in God’s Word and it grows in you, that is how you get these stylish shoes broken in. You can go places with shoes that fit good. Then as you walk good and godly in all your paths around your husband, he will treasure everywhere you go.

Will you put on these three styles before your husband, in the presence of your husband, wherever you are, and no matter how your husband is behaving? Begin today. Take an hour and try these three styles on. Maybe tomorrow put them on for 80 minutes. The third day another 90 minutes. Increase the time day by day. Get used to these new styles, walking in these shoes.

In a few days, weeks, and months from now, you’ll look back and say “What a man I have! He cherishes me so good!” — and the rest of the story is that is how he is supposed to cherish you “so good” — like God — “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Study Proverbs 31:10-12 for more encouragement in these thoughts.

Written By: Anne Gurley