Not too long ago my husband asked me, “what can I do?” I had shared some thoughts I was having with him. He wanted to know how to support me in this area of life.
How would I address his question, “what can I do?” He wanted to know something he could do. He needed something concrete to put into action. He was asking for something more than “be there for me”. A better suggestion than “don’t you see what I see” was what he was looking to get. More than “get here in my head space with me” would be needed to answer his question.
Men are concrete thinkers. They like visual, step-by-step guidance. I had not premeditated the timing of what I was sharing with him. The situation seemed appropriate to voice my thoughts, so I did. Certainly, I had not preplanned my expectation of how I wanted him to support me. I had not even considered he would question me in that manner. When he asked, “what can I do?”
I paused.
He waited.
He wanted to know “what can I do”? I wanted to answer his question in a way that would meet my needs and give him clear guidance of something specific he could do.
I gave him these three ways he could support me.
- He could trust me.
- He could let me know if he ever felt like I was deceiving him.
- He could acknowledge me.
We reviewed what I meant by each of these things.
- He could be confident I was making the best decisions under God’s authority, with him and our family in mind.
- He could let me know if he ever felt like I was deceiving him. He would tell me if he ever felt like he was getting the short end of the stick.
- He could approve of me.
He agreed to support me in these three ways.
How about you? Is there something you want your husband to support you in? Is there something you desire to do, a thought you have, or a goal you desire to achieve? When you share it with your spouse and he asks, “what can I do?” Share these three things with him.
- Trust me.
- Tell me if you feel deceived.
- Think highly of me.
Then wait.
When you “catch” your spouse doing any of these three things, let him know how much you appreciate him supporting you. Tell him you are thankful he trusts you and thinks highly of you. Notice and point out the things your spouse does to support you. Doing this will encourage him because you found him supporting you. Then, you both are encouraged.
For further study on the source of these three ways your spouse can support you read Proverbs 31:11, 28-29.
Written By: Anne Gurley
